I just wrote a blog entry detailing a great JDate gone the disappearing route, and then deleted it. I told you everything. Every juicy thing, until I realized I couldn't tell you all that. He was becoming recognizable. And I felt my privacy invaded to an extent that would become uncomfortable. Blogging has its ups and downs. But I can tell you this.

Appearing to be one of the nicest, most appealing, available, all around good guys - not to mention super cute - I may have ever met on the site, he turned out to be, hands down, the most disappointing.

The initial contact from him was in an IM followed by a night of sweet emails, followed by a fabulous, warm, fun email exchange the following day, that led to a terrific two hour phone call where we made a date (him changing a business dinner to be available), followed by a day of IM's, then a confirmation email and phone call the following day and night, all leading up to what was a wonderful date! One that ended with rapturous kissing (outside my building), him stopping to make a plan to see me again, him calling me twice on his drive home to tell me what a great night it had been, then me waking up to a terrific email from him, confirming the time he'd be at the place Saturday morning (two days later), complimenting and thanking me, again, for the date. I felt happy and wrote right back.... and then he stood me up.

Before we had met we discovered on the phone that I knew his first cousin. In fact, she's in rather close proximity to me. So you know I'm normal, he had said. I wasn't concerned about that. But I felt the connection, at the very least, would insure a respect, and that we would treat each other fairly. It didn't.

Now, let's be real. He was allowed to change his mind. After making the plan, he was allowed to not want to see me again... for whatever his reasons. I suspect another, and still other, women. And despite his attraction, he might have felt insecure around me. Or, in truth, he was just not that into me. Or maybe he was, and too much too soon made him feel overwhelmed.

People write on the site that want everything, but I find most people only capable of having very little. They are more comfortable with the mundane, happier to have their longings be no more than that. So certain things he had said about himself that initially seemed vulnerable, certain complaints he had of his work, of his ex, unfilled desires he expressed, feeling ostracized by people in his town. All those things that felt like a man sharing, a man who wanted to bond, took on another light after witnessing his subsequent behavior.

And certain other things, tiny things... like ending an IM with I'll call you later and then instantly writing back, Well maybe not because I have to go shopping and go to B&N. And the following day letting me know in each email that he was really, really tired... Well, it seemed inconsequential at the time, but took on greater significance in hindsight. So the likelihood is that despite his whole big pursuit, something was up from the get-go.

Okay. That makes me feel disappointed. But just tell me. Send me an email and tell me you're not able to go further with me, and not to meet you on the day.

I showed up at the place he said he'd be that Saturday morning, a haircut appointment, and I was told he had just left. So I called him. And he claimed he never went, that he never came to the city. But when I said I had just walked over there, he then said he was on the other side of town, driving through the park, towards me. He kept asking where I was. And I repeated in my apartment. Was he really on my street, afraid I would see him? The haircut place is on my corner. The silly conversation continued. Him accusingly saying I didn't answer his email when I did and then suddenly remembering, asking to meet him for coffee and retracting. He stumbled on and on, his fibs compounding till they turned into lies. The biggest that he would call me later.

At that point, once the lying began, everything lovely I had felt instantly dissolved. I felt embarrased to be part of the childish conversation, shocked how inconsequential I had actually been. Shocked that this was even the same man. Everything opposite of what it had seemed.

I asked him to just tell me what was up. It was okay if he had a change of heart... or a girlfriend. I mean, even if he fell in love with someone new the night before (okay, strange... and there was only a day between our last correspondence and the early morning haircut... but it seems men don't quit just because they've met someone they like online. They seem to ALWAYS be searching, shopping on the Internet! Gee.... I wonder if that was the shopping he was referring to in that IM!!!) But even IF he had met someone or just decided nix on me, TELL ME. Nicely. Without explanation. But fess up. Don't abuse my emotional energy. Don't lead me on. And don't waste my time.

Exit with dignity.

I'll let him wonder if I will ever talk to his cousin. I'll give him the opportunity to send me an email to tell me he hopes its not to late to apologize. I sent him an email, shortly after we last spoke and he said he would call me, but he deleted it without ever reading. On AOL you can tell. I'll let him wonder what I wrote. Perhaps I lambasted him. Perhaps I was highly flirtatious, and pasted in a photo I thought he might want to see. Perhaps I took him at his word that Saturday when he said he still definitely wanted to see me, just not that day. And maybe I had tickets to a Broadway show the following week and wrote to invite him. Maybe. Maybe not. He can wonder.