This week I spent time with two friends in their twenties - a young woman out in the work world of pr, and a younger man two years out of college, finding his way as an artisit. I also had a meeting with a lof of late twenties, early thirties writer-girls who contributed to an anthology called IT'S A WONDERFUL LIE: 26 TRUTHS ABOUT BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES that will be out in January. I am a contributor too. Though my account is a look back.

I have also looked back by being present with these friends. And I have learned something I'd like to share.

Everyone thinks the twenties is about figuring it out and tying it up... you know, so by the time you hit thirty you're "there." Except that destination keeps changing.

In my early thirties I started a novel called WAKE ME WHEN WE GET THERE. About just that. I wrote all through my thirties, but by the time I was done my perspective had changed so much, I canned it. Instead, I pulled a few chapters from it to combine with my dating stories and created YOU HAVE TO KISS A LOT OF FROGS which I sold... as you know! However, I don't think the first book would have sold, because I see now it was missing something.

Perspective.

In your twenties I think what you're really figuring out is who you are in relationship to all the people and events in your life. But it's often masked by trying to figure out "what you should do."

What you do, who you are, and who are with will likely to continue to change. But the continuity is you. And you acquire reference points that help you understand your reactions to all the people and events, while life continues to change and surprise.

I wouldn't go back to my twenties. It wasn't bad, but now that I have perspective I know it gets better!

I did a neighborhood event last night with LOOKING FOR MR GOODFROG. A fabulous restaurant , and I highly reccomment you all go, called LOUIE'S WESTSIDE CAFE on West 81st and Amsterdam Avenue threw me a wonderful book party!

The question came up whether or not Karrie, the protagonist in GOODFROG, ever pays on dates. I immediately made it about me, but the person asking said, "No... not you! This is fiction." Yes! This IS ficiton. So... Karrie. Does she or doesn't she?

Karrie doesn't pay her way on dates. But then Karrie isn't even out on that many in GOODFROG. The main dating squeeze in the book is a very successful lawyer she met online, and money is not one of their problems... but everything else is!

Do you pay on dates? Do you think women should? Do you think they should offer? Do you think there's a courtship protocol that should be employed before that part begins?

What do you think a woman paying means to a man? At what point does money stop representing emotional things and become just about money?

"Money Changes Everything" was the front page story of yesterday's NY Times SundayStyles. There's also that movie Friends With Money. I hear it's good and plan to see it. There are many ways to look at money. But I'm partial to a line I wrote in GOODFROG I will share:

"Sex is a lot like money. It's only a problem if it isn't there."